Real Law School Personal Statements
Strike duplicate information
It is the first of July, 2014 and CIA along with DIA intelligence shows that Kim Jung-Un has purged three of his top generals and that the North Korean army is on the march towards the demilitarized zone. North Korea has been diverting foreign aid funds and assets from sanctioned uses to their military, subsequently forcing countries to reduce or end their foreign aid programs to North Korea. Relations with South Korea have stalled and forced an eight percent drop in trade between the two countries. As a member of a DIA intelligence analysis group focused on the increasingly hostile situation in North Korea, I was tasked to assess the intentions of the Kim regime and advise future action of the United States.
During my junior year of undergraduate study, I had the immense pleasure of working on a project that involved acting as an intelligence analyst for the DIA in a team of four, while another group of four acted as intelligence analyst for the CIA as we analyzed fictitious intelligence reports on North Korea and the Kim regime. We were tasked to pore through the intelligence given to us, be it satellite images of military movements, economic reports on the country, or notices of executions of some of the top generals in the country. With the training we had received all semester we ultimately assessed the situation and gave our thoughts along with a presentation to the “President,” who in reality was the chairman of the political science department at my university.
The project entailed that the four of us would have to work together to assess the situation and brief the “President.” The team leader would acquire the intelligence and assign each of us a certain aspect of it to work on. We would then come together and discuss the intelligence we had. We agreed on a set of assumptions to frame our analysis on and then began to assess the situation. I created an assessment from the group and briefed the “President” on the situation; all the while the other team did the same. Ultimately, my team concluded with moderate confidence that the degrading economic situation in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea [DPRK] influenced the new Kim regime to pursue military action against South Korea in order to remain sovereign and to possibly reunite the Korean peninsula, or to capture Seoul so as to negotiate for beneficial concessions for the DPRK.
This undergraduate exercise stirred my interest in international and national security law. With the intelligence community describing situations that could arise, national leaders must make decisions based on the assessments given to them, but also must worry about the legality of their actions and if they have the power to do anything while maintaining relationships with affected countries. [Law School Name]’s program [name of program] brings this to light and teaches those involved how to handle the situation, granting hands on experience in the national security and international law fields. Involvement in this program would offer me not only experience in the field, but also a rewarding chance to further my interest of national security and international relations.
With my background in International Relations and having taken classes on topics such as war and politics, intelligence assessment, and the nature of terrorism and how to combat it, pursing a law degree and working as legal counsel to administrations and agencies devoted to issues that arise between nations and national security would enable me to have a tangible impact in such situations. A degree from [Law School Name] with a focus in national security or international law would enable me to pursue a career in this field. My previous classroom experiences in related fields give me a concrete foundation to build upon in law school and have given me skills to be successful in law school as well as the real world.
JD MISSION REVIEW
Overall Lesson
Use your limited space wisely-cut duplicate information to make room for other vital details.
First Impression
The candidate’s topic is fascinating, and his essay has a very catchy beginning. Note that the story he has elected to share works only because it involves an actual classroom experience he had in college. If he were instead describing and predicting what he believes could happen in North Korea and therefore simply sharing his personal thoughts on the issue, that would be odd and probably not a good idea.
Strengths
This personal statement features unique content with clear ties to the candidate’s interest in law school.
Weaknesses
To start, what is the DIA? I do not know-which means admissions officers might not know either. To avoid any confusion or missed information caused by unclear abbreviations like this, the candidate should write out the full name of the organization-the Defense Intelligence Agency-at first use and then introduce the abbreviation or acronym (if it will be used again later in the essay) so the reader does not have to turn to Google. Also, the candidate switches from present tense to past tense in the last line of the first paragraph; he should maintain the same tense throughout his story.
In addition, the candidate needs to provide more background information on this undergraduate exercise. First, he needs to reveal sooner that his story is about a political science class. Second, given that the assignment was fictional, what were his information sources? More details would allow me to better understand this project. And because the essay contains some duplicate information that the candidate can easily cut (e.g., we are told twice that his group researched and analyzed the situation and then briefed the “President”), doing so will create space he can then use to elaborate on the project and reflect on its meaning to him.
Finally, I would strike “real world” from the last sentence. This phrase is used far too often in law school personal statements.
Final Assessment
The last paragraph works overall. Unlike many people who profess an interest in international law and international relations without the background to support a career in those fields, this candidate demonstrates relevant experience. By sharing the story of.-and his enthusiasm for-this academic assignment, he demonstrates that he was engaged in the exercise.
